Me and My Blog
My name is Kimberlee Rutan McCafferty, and I’m the mom of two young sons on the autism spectrum, ages five and eight. I’m a former educator, and presently a stay-at-home mom/therapist. I’ve recently had the good fortune to have several articles published in Exceptional Parent Magazine, including one which illustrates the immediate steps to take if your child is diagnosed with autism. My blog is linked to multiple sites throughout the state on New Jersey Patch, an online source for community-specific news. This past April I produced and directed my play “Raising Autism”, with all proceeds going directly to POAC Autism Services, a non-profit located in Brick, NJ. When not doing therapy, or hawking my as yet unpublished manuscript about my boys, I can be found on the couch with chocolate, a good book, and an even better glass of wine.
Louise van der Meulen said,
March 13, 2010 at 8:34 am
Hi Kim! I am so glad that you have reach this stage in your adventure of writing your book and blogging. It is a riot. I am going to forward this to all my teacher friends, too. I will always remember those beginning stages when you found out that your fitst-born had autism. I am so glad that you will be able to help others in similar situations with your book.
autismmommytherapist said,
March 13, 2010 at 8:30 pm
Hey Louise! Thanks for taking the time to respond to this (I think you’ll like the next one even better). It was lovely to hear from Bianca, how’s Peanut (or are we going by Sasha these days?). Write when you can and let me know how you are!
Kim
margaret said,
March 23, 2010 at 1:05 pm
I am a special education teacher and found your entries honest, funny and so real life. It was interesting to read your accounts of activities in your life. I appreciate your sense of humor and know that parents of autistic children will garner so much from these blogs.
autismmommytherapist said,
March 23, 2010 at 1:54 pm
Margaret, thanks for responding, but more importantly, thanks for what you do. Justin has had some exemplary teachers, and they have made such a difference in his life. I was a “regular” education teacher for twelve years, and I was constantly in awe of the teachers who worked with special needs children all day, every day, with neverending enthusiasm. Thank you!
Kim
caren said,
April 14, 2010 at 5:28 pm
Just wanted to say hi
autismmommytherapist said,
April 14, 2010 at 7:39 pm
Hi, thanks for reading this!
Donna Preston said,
March 13, 2010 at 5:04 pm
You go girl! I’m so in awh of you.I don’t know how you manage all that you do on just a daily basis, and to also be able to write a book with such wit and style! I can hardly manage this email! I know you and Jeff have had a difficult time with all this, but as I have said to you before, Justin and zachary have the best chance ever because of the intelligent and strong willed people that you are! Most parents would not have noticed or would have given up or worse . As sorry as I can be for your terrible misfortune, I can only give thanks to god for placing those boys in your care. Your love and strength will shine through & maybe this book will be that ray of sunshine for you! I will be thinking of you often and saying prayers when possible (me and god aren’t as close as we used to be! But I’ll try)
P S- Happy Birthday Girl!! I’ll have a glass of pinot for u!!!
love
Donna
autismmommytherapist said,
March 13, 2010 at 8:04 pm
Thanks Donna! So glad to hear from you! Tell Kev he’ll get brownies soon! Check out my next entry, you’ll enjoy it. Love and hi to everyone!
Bill Preston said,
March 18, 2010 at 8:42 pm
Kim ‘ I am so proud of you and Jeff for what you have accomplished with Justin and Zackery!!! They are just the most incredible kids ever!!! Being in a different part of the country and only getting to see them once or twice a year really sticks because I would love to see more of all of you. But because I only see you all so infrequently I am so amazed at how the kids have progressed everytime I come to N.J..You guy”s are incredible and probably the best and most dedicated parents in the world! I wish you the best with your writing”s and continued success with your son”s. I love you and miss you all more than I can put into words!!! SEE YOU SOON!!! Love Billy
autismmommytherapist said,
March 19, 2010 at 9:09 am
Thanks for posting Billy! We can’t wait to see you again too, and miss you as well. Thanks for what you said about the boys, it means a lot!
love,
Kim
Karen Noble said,
March 19, 2010 at 1:36 pm
This was a beautiful article. I didn’t want it to end, and you have a way of drawing the reader into your life. you are an extraordinary writer.
autismmommytherapist said,
March 19, 2010 at 1:52 pm
Thank you, truly, and thank you for taking the time to respond. I appreciate it!
Kim
Karen Noble said,
March 19, 2010 at 1:54 pm
I work with your mom – we share many secrets and have many talks. She’s always spoken highly of Kim, her daughter, and I’d think “Naturally, you feel that way. You’re her mom.” But as we shared more and I listened better, I, too, feel that Susan has an awesome daughter. You’ve put your entire life on hold for your two sons for the daunting goal of raising them to get what they deserve. Bravo!!!!!
Karen
autismmommytherapist said,
March 21, 2010 at 5:57 am
Thank you Karen, I appreciate the commentary and your taking the time to reply!
Anita said,
March 22, 2010 at 2:09 pm
I was just told about your blog and book. My 6 year old son was just diagnosed with PDD-NOS, after almost 2 full school years of unsuccessful attempts at dealing with his behavior. I look forward to gaining some insight from your experiences.
autismmommytherapist said,
March 22, 2010 at 8:12 pm
That’s heartbreaking. I hope he gets the help he deserves now. He’s still so young, I’m sure behaviorists will be able to help you. Hang in there, I hope the blog helps, and if you have questions, please ask!
Kim
Amanda Niederauer said,
April 26, 2010 at 1:58 pm
I think that what you’re doing is great, Kim. I work with Pam Holran on the Lafayette Alumni Council, and she asked me to check out your blog. I really hope your book gets published – I would read it in a second, and I know my mom would too. My brother is 12 and has Asperger’s Syndrome, and my mom has spent the last 10 years of his life trying to make things easier for him. I know how hard it can be, and I really admire the fact that on top of all of that work, you’re still finding time for this blog AND a book!
Best of Luck!!!!
autismmommytherapist said,
April 26, 2010 at 2:37 pm
Amanda, Pam has mentioned you to me, as well as your family’s obvious dedication to your brother. I give your mom a great deal of credit. I’m only six years in, it’s the people with children in the double digits who did this in a much more “unforgiving” time who have my admiration. I appreciate your taking the time to read and respond, please feel free to pass it on to anyone you think would be interested. Sounds like your brother is lucky to have you. Take care and thanks!
Kim
Denise Coughlin said,
April 30, 2010 at 7:21 pm
Hi Kim…My name is Denise Coughlin and I was delighted with your little story about Dragons. I know how hard it is for a mom raising two special needs children. I have a sister who is brain damaged and understand the constant care children with special needs do require. It sounds like your sons have a very special mother. I would love to send your sons my book “Dragon In My Pocket” as a gift. I’ll pay the postage too. Your story really touched me. I hope it will bring you and your little ones much joy. They may not fully understand the story now, but someday they will truly appreciate it. My website is http://www.denisecoughlin.com You can e-mail me and I will be delighted to send you a copy for your special boys.
Sincerely,
Denise Coughlin
autismmommytherapist said,
May 1, 2010 at 10:32 am
Thanks Denise, sent you an email!
Amanda said,
July 3, 2010 at 10:17 am
I laughed. I cried. I felt the joy, the sorrow and the hope. You are such an incredible writer- I couldn’t stop reading. I just signed up to receive your newest entries and I can’t wait for more. Kim, you are an inspiration to others and your children are blessed to have you. xo
autismmommytherapist said,
July 5, 2010 at 7:09 am
Amanda, thank you so much! I feel the same way about you and your kids. I appreciate your taking the time to read and respond. Hope you and yours are well, and thanks again!
Kim
Aunt Ruth Ormsbss said,
September 9, 2010 at 6:01 pm
Hello Kim.
I have been reading your series on the computer and they are just
so great. I am glad I can get to find out what is going on with
Justin and Zachary. You and Jeff are certainly such dedicated
parents. So good to have parents like you to be so understanding
of what both boys are going through. Love reading your
blogs. I am just catching up on them. You all take care.
Love Ya!!!
Aunt Ruthie
autismmommytherapist said,
September 10, 2010 at 10:29 am
Thanks Aunt Ruthie, looking forward to seeing you this fall!
Catherine Fratianni Guevara said,
October 5, 2010 at 8:58 am
Hello Just discovered your blog, I am a mom of a wonderful 8 year old boy with Autism, I saw the word pinching in a comment you made to Susan Senator, I used to live in Brookline and met her there. Anyway have you found any suitable ways to reduced the pinching?
many thanks!
autismmommytherapist said,
October 5, 2010 at 10:14 am
Welcome Catherine, and thanks! The most effective technique we used, and still do to this day (although his pinching incidences are few and far between) was to anticipate the pinch, block it by grabbing his hands, and saying harshly “no pinch”. In Justin that would usually elicit a kiss of “sorry” from him. Aggression was a huge component of his autism, and through ABA and discipline we ultimately reduced the pinching down to about 10% of the day, but it was still daunting as he grew older and bigger. We’ve had him on a fairly low dose of Risperidone since last year, and that seems to have eradicated the rest. It was a tough decision, but ultimately I think it was best for him and for our family. I wish you luck with your son or daughter. Thank you for posting!
Kim
Jennifer Scott said,
October 12, 2010 at 12:38 pm
I stumbled across your blog from It’s A Shmitty Life, who is absolutely hilarious and a real lol.
I must say that you are a wonderful writer, it is rare to actually be able to put your feelings in words, especially about a subject as difficult and complex as autism. My 6 year old son Gabriel has autism while his younger twin sisters (5) are neurologically normal although all of them are seriously high energy. I have been reading back in your blog to get caught up and I have really been struck by how similar the emotions are for me. Obviously our situations are different, I only have one child with autism and then there is that twin thing 18 months later that was a heck of a surprise. That was difficult in an entirely different way, not that I remember much, I laughingly say that if my hair had been on fire that first year I wouldn’t have noticed.
Thank you for speaking to a part of me that doesn’t get much light of day. It is easier to use humor and silliness, which while I take my silliness very seriously, can overcast the real emotion that lies underneath.
Thank you again,
~Jenn Scott in Forest Grove, Oregon
On a side note, my son used to pinch me relentlessly while he nursed and was hyper aggressive, flying tackle to his sisters that were just learning to walk etc. I don’t know how this works, I only know that it was true for my son, I cut eggs out of his diet and his aggression lessened immensely. Other moms in my MOMS Club couldn’t believe the change in his behavior after 2 weeks. So it wasn’t just me that saw that change. I have had a few other friends that were having behavioral issues that eggs seemed to have an impact on. Just sharing my strange experience, not trying to shovel well meaning advice your way.
autismmommytherapist said,
October 12, 2010 at 2:39 pm
Hey, I’m a glutton for advice, I’ll take anything, thanks! He doesn’t eat them, apparently they are the devil’s food, so a no-go there. Appreciate the attempt! Loved your comment about the hair, I’m right there with you!
Thanks for telling me where you found me. I will have to find that site. It’s been coming up as Spam and I’ve been ignoring it, glad to find out it’s legit!
Thanks for your lovely commentary too, I appreciate it. Thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful post!
Kim
Michelle said,
December 21, 2010 at 10:53 am
I think what you are doing is great. I too am an educator ( I teach visual design at an inner city high school- I always have at least one IEP student per class) and I grew up with a special needs brother in addition to having a child on the spectrum.
Alex is nearly 17 and was only diagnosed in June, so we have struggled and had so much damage done to him by well meaning educators and other “professionals”. He is extremely intelligent, but has a very poor working memory, and has a great deal of anger. He really struggles a lot and as a young man trying to discover what that means plus Asperger’s, and me being (as a single mom) the lone authority figure, he tends to reject my suggestions out of hand.
I was wondering if you or your readers might be able to guide me. So many of the resources I am finding deal with younger children. Do you know of any sites or blogs that might be more relevant to our situation? I am looking specifically for things that can help me understand my son better ( I only recently found out that he hears florescent lights and that they bother him) and helpful sites that might give him insights as well. Also do you know of any resources to strength working memory? This is a huge problem for Alex. His IQ is very high and he tests at grade 28+, but his working memory maxed out at grade 7.5. This is really affecting his academic performance.
Thank you for your time.
autismmommytherapist said,
December 21, 2010 at 11:34 am
Michelle, thank you for reading and commenting. I’ve found that resources for the younger set differ greatly from the older, and I’m really not familiar with those that might help your son. I will put out an email with your questions to some of my friends with older kids on the spectrum, as well as a few with Asperger’s who are younger. Not sure that will be helpful, but I’ll give it a try and get back to you if I hear anything.
As for memory… Would anything like pneumonics help him, or putting facts to songs? I did not teach kids on the spectrum when I was employed, but I too had bright kids with memory issues, and sometimes these techniques helped. I’ll also put out an email to my educator friends and see what they come up with. It’s been a while for me…
Hang in there!
angelina258 said,
February 7, 2011 at 10:31 pm
Hi there. I stumbled upon your blog from some other blog. I really love the way you write and, of course, what you write about. I’m an ABA therapist, and big sister to a little boy with autism. I look forward to reading more of your blog. Mine is
http://anotherangleonautism.wordpress.com/
-Angelina
autismmommytherapist said,
February 8, 2011 at 12:05 pm
Thanks so much! Will check out your site!
Avril Webster said,
April 13, 2011 at 6:35 am
Hi Kimberlee,
I just read your article in Exceptional Parent and wanted to say thank you. Although I live in Ireland, most of what you have written is very relevant here as well. Isn’t it wonderful that through your writing you are reaching right across the world helping families. Thanks also for your blog on OCD, just when we thought it had settled down for our 13 year old, it seems to have ‘spiked up’ again. Somehow it makes it easier to know we are not alone. Best wishes to you and your family. Avril
autismmommytherapist said,
April 13, 2011 at 9:17 am
Avril, thank you. It means so much to me to know my article helped another mom. For the most part, I’ve always found the OCD/perseverative aspect of Justin’s autism to be the most daunting component. It truly is exhausting, but at least for him I’ve found it goes in cycles, and eventually, it lessons. I hope it is the same for your child as well. Hang in there, thank you for reading and responding to this, and know you are definitely not alone!
Lori said,
May 15, 2011 at 10:29 am
Kim,
It was so nice to meet you at the dinner for Search Friday night! It is always comforting to talk to other moms in the same boat! I love this blog-it is very funny, true, and similar to my own life!
Hope to see you at Field Day this Friday, and if not there, some time in the near future!
Lori Hogan
autismmommytherapist said,
May 15, 2011 at 10:50 am
Lori, it was lovely to meet you too, and I’ll look for you at Field Day. Please keep in touch!
Aspergers Girls said,
April 1, 2012 at 9:13 pm
Hi,
Samantha Craft.
Saw your link on facebook. I’m a former educator as well. I have three sons. One has Aspergers. I have Aspergers as well. Great friendly photo, and nice “about me” page.
autismmommytherapist said,
April 2, 2012 at 8:15 am
Thanks Samantha, love the support from a fellow teacher! Those skills have served me well with my sons, I’m sure they have for you and yours as well. Thanks for reading!
ksmile29 said,
May 23, 2012 at 6:19 pm
Hi it’s Kerry from Someone Special Needs You! I tried emailing you a few days ago but I’m not sure I have the right address. Will you be at the event this Friday? I’d love to see Justin and again! If you could email me at the gmail address you have for me that’d be great!
Hope to see you Friday!
Kerry Vollherbst said,
May 23, 2012 at 6:32 pm
Hi it’s Kerry from Someone Special Needs You! I tried to email you a few days ago but I’m not sure I have the right email addres. Are you going to be at the event Friday? If you could email me back at my gmail account that’d be great! Thanks!
Hope to see you Friday!
autismmommytherapist said,
May 23, 2012 at 7:47 pm
Kerry, so sorry you didn’t get my response, I just resent it to every address I have for you. Please let me know that you got it!
Thanks,
Kim
autismmommytherapist said,
May 23, 2012 at 7:49 pm
Hon, check your email again!