April 23, 2010
I am practically a blog virgin.
Perhaps I should rephrase. I am practically a technology virgin, as any skills (and they were limited to begin with) I had seemed to vanish once I gave birth to my oldest child seven years ago. It appears that my ability to conduct an adequate Google search, open a linked document, and, God help me, at times even cut and paste, vanished along with my waistline and my ability to retain any information longer than six seconds without writing it down. I remember years ago my friends who had already entered the realm of parenthood told me that in time, all of my superpowers would be restored to me.
Nowhere was this big, fat, distortion of the truth more apparent than when it came time to create my blog, my vehicle through which I hope to finally become the “popular girl” and propel myself to just an itsy-bitsy splash of fame so I can get my manuscript published. After months of begging, pleading, cajoling, and finally threatening my reluctant husband to sit down and create one with me, it quickly became apparent how behind the curve I was. It was as if he was speaking a foreign language, throwing around words like tags (don’t those go on presents?), domains (reminds me of the best episode Seinfeld episode EVER), RSS (perhaps an acronym for Rescue Save Surrender), and widgets (come on, really?). He was moving on to discussing the best ways to drive up my blog traffic while I was still trying to pick out my background. We were lucky we were still married by the time I officially entered the blogosphere (another word I thought he had made up).
The good news is that I am eminently trainable, and slowly I’ve acquired the skills to post, edit, and reply to comments without requiring my husband’s (hell, Justin could probably do this better than me at this point) annoyed presence. The first few times I attempted cyberspace on my own I could see the wheels literally turning in his head, reciting the words “God Kim, we just did this yesterday” and my own brain responding “Yes, Jeff. Yesterday, a veritable lifetime ago in technologyland.” I’m taking baby steps, but I’m actually retaining them, a miracle in and of itself.
I had no idea how involved all of this would be when I decided to create the blog in the first place. I really hadn’t visited too many of them, as I’ve pretty much spent the last four years just writing my book, keeping the kids alive, conducting therapy, and avoiding cooking. There wasn’t a lot of time to check out what other people were writing, and even when I did, I was too chicken to respond. This is in part because I still hail from an era where I actually enjoyed writing real letters to people I’ve actually met, and in part because when I attempted to respond I was often required to give such intimidating information as my URL, my account identity, or transcribe weird looking letters and numbers into a flashing box. None of it seemed even a bit friendly. I felt like I was once again going through sorority rush.
But, despite my own handicap, I am learning. I’m even shamelessly putting myself out there trolling the internet for people to read and respond to my posts, and of course offering to do the same for them. This is completely out of my comfort zone as I still prefer to have met someone before I ask them to do a favor for me, but I’m conquering my squeamishness and soliciting like a Girl Scout with too many Thin Mints to unload. Just call me a blog hussy. On second thought, don’t call me. Just read my blog.