Eleven years ago my husband and I entered a developmental pediatrician’s office with our then seventeen-month-old son, Justin. We were both nervous and resigned, anticipating, and in some ways welcoming, the autism diagnosis we were sure our boy would merit. Four years later we would retrace our steps in a different state with our second son, Zach. On this occasion we were much less scared, even eager to get a diagnosis to help us to access services. It wasn’t that we were less concerned about the progress of our second child. It’s just that by then we’d been doing the “autism gig” for the length of a presidential term, and we had a pretty good idea of what to expect.
Those four years had taught me indelibly what it means to be a special needs mom.
I learned so much from my eldest child, and then again from my youngest. I learned about my limits, and how to stretch them to accommodate my children’s needs. I learned about the endless boundaries of love, and how to summon patience I didn’t know I had. I learned so much, knowledge I wish I’d had at my fingertips when my first child was diagnosed.
If I could go back in time, these are the ten things I’d tell myself about my impending journey of parenting two children on the autism spectrum:
1) You will revel in even the smallest increments of progress, progress you would not have noticed if your children were typical.
2) You will learn to always push your children to do a little bit more than you think they can.
3) You will learn how to be flexible (this one remains a challenge for me.)
4) You will worry about what happens to them when you’re gone. This one you will never conquer.
5) You will irrevocably alter your definition of what comprises a successful childhood.
6) You will learn how to ask for help (this one remains a challenge too.)
7) You will learn how to listen, really listen, both to your one son’s vocal attempts and to your other’s complete sentences.
8) You will learn, through lots of practice, how to be patient.
9) You will learn that the inability to speak does not mean your son does not have a lot to say.
10) You will learn, perhaps most importantly, to make time for yourself.
My heartfelt wishes for a Happy Mother’s Day to all moms, particularly those in the autism community!
For more on my family visit my blog at autismmommytherapist.wordpress.com/
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Full Spectrum Mama said,
May 4, 2015 at 3:01 pm
#4.
***************************************************************#4!!!!********************
Argh.
autismmommytherapist said,
May 4, 2015 at 3:09 pm
I know, #4 sucks, but truth!
MOM said,
May 4, 2015 at 3:16 pm
Happy Mother’s Day to my daughter, an exceptional Mom.
autismmommytherapist said,
May 4, 2015 at 7:45 pm
Thanks and as are you!
The Presents of Presence said,
May 4, 2015 at 3:49 pm
Reblogged this on Misifusa's Blog and commented:
This bears repeating…Happy Mother’s Day to All the Moms out there…you are special, you are loved and you are appreciated. Thanks Kim for your heartfelt post ~ I love your honesty and your dedication to being the best Mom to your 2 sons! You shine!
Shine On!
xo
autismmommytherapist said,
May 4, 2015 at 7:37 pm
And you are to your two too!
The Presents of Presence said,
May 4, 2015 at 3:50 pm
Reblogged this post ~ Happy Mother’s Day to you! You deserve it! ♥
autismmommytherapist said,
May 4, 2015 at 7:38 pm
You too hon!
Minuscule Moments said,
May 4, 2015 at 4:32 pm
Well said I think my biggest learning curve, is learning to be patient and yes pushing my son to do a little bit more is so important. I think one thing I would have changed at the beginning would be to connect with other Mum’s earlier than I did, who are going through the same challenges. Happy Mothers day to you.
autismmommytherapist said,
May 4, 2015 at 7:35 pm
Thank you and to you too!
Ann Kilter said,
May 4, 2015 at 9:44 pm
A great post. I think about #4 all the time. that’s my goal. For my kids to be independent so that when we are gone or it takes all we have just to take care of ourselves, they can take care of themselves.
autismmommytherapist said,
May 5, 2015 at 10:07 am
That’s my goal for my high-functioning kid too, thanks for reading!
Chad said,
May 5, 2015 at 11:17 am
Happy Mother’s Day Berlee. You are exceptional.
autismmommytherapist said,
May 5, 2015 at 11:22 am
As are you my friend!
Alan A. Malizia: Contagious Optimism! Co-Author said,
May 5, 2015 at 2:54 pm
It’s funny how special needs children always seem to end up with special mom’s and dad’s. I know, because as a victim of polio, I was blessed to have a mom and dad who saw me not as a curse but a blessing.
-Alan
Happy Mother’s Day to all. You’ll never know how truly special you are.
autismmommytherapist said,
May 5, 2015 at 3:18 pm
And they were so lucky to have you! Thanks for reading!