My son will never recognize either goal.

I wish I could change that about his life trajectory. I know some people would say that wish would change him fundamentally and it’s wrong, but I disagree. At the core of who he is Justin is a kind loving soul- that would not change if his degree of autism shifted. I would prefer to leave this earth knowing my child could fend for himself when I’m gone, was not reliant for his lifetime on individuals who won’t even be born when I leave this earth.

I can’t change the fact that he will often remain dependent on others. But I can do all I can to help him do for himself as much as possible.

The knowledge that my kind, brave son can still make progress with patience and practice keeps me going. Knowing that if his parents and his teachers keep working with him he will acquire more skills, which will make things easier on the people who will care for him when his dad and I are gone, is a gift. Realizing that this beautiful boy, who gave me my most important and life-changing role seventeen years ago, will continue to grow and be happy gives me hope.

I know we can continue to grow together.

And at least during this difficult period of quarantine, I can say the two of us have been able to do just that.

 

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