June 11, 2020
Posted in AMT's Faves, Life's Little Moments, My Take on Autism tagged Coronavirus, Veterans Memorial Middle School at 10:48 am by autismmommytherapist
To Mrs. Kotsianis, Mr. Carr, Mr. Walski, Mr. Richards, Mr. Calabro, Mrs. Bearse, Mrs. Wnuk, Mrs. Detata, Mrs. Fallon, Mrs. Foley, Mrs. Dunne, Mrs. Hansen, Mrs. Reilly, Mr. Lafferty, Mr. Schnorrbusch, Mrs. Curran, and Mrs. Sammarco:
Last year I wrote a glowing homage to all of Zach’s sixth grade teachers, praising them for their creativity and attentiveness to him. I closed with the wish that his seventh grade teachers would mirror their excellence.
I have to say that for once, my dream came true.
I feel like there will now be a great divide in all of our lives, our time before Coronavirus, and after. I know some things have changed in my family. As horrible as this all is I find we are laughing more, sleeping more, and when not thinking about what’s happening “out there” are more relaxed than during our usual frenetic pace. There are definitely some “befores” and “afters” now, with notable changes.
One thing that hasn’t changed has been the quality of Zach’s instruction, and for that I am truly grateful.
Before we all self-quarantined I had been thrilled with Zach’s new batch of teachers, and the retention of some from sixth grade. They somehow managed to make middle school fun, treated my son with respect and compassion, were always accessible for any questions, and made Zach want to learn.
No small feat with a burgeoning teen.
When I picked Zach up on March 13th I can’t say I knew he wouldn’t return this year. I can say as a former educator I knew what a Herculean task it would be to create even adequate online instruction practically overnight.
And yet, all of his teachers rose to the occasion. Online learning was up and running three days later after one (I’m assuming) very long staff meeting. Certainly, it is not the same as in-school instruction. Yet I feel that Zach is still learning, acquiring concepts, and mastering skills. He still feels connected to his teachers. He is still making progress.
And as I listened to other friends’ woes about their districts’ issues in the following weeks, I knew just how lucky we were once again in regards to Zach’s education.
This year is certainly ending differently than any other year in Zach’s educational career. It is so sad that none of you got to say goodbye to “your kids.” I remember when I left my fifth graders six weeks early to have my first child how heartwrenching it was not to finish with them- the sobbing wasn’t just the hormones. They are definitely missing out on some special events both with other students and staff. It’s sad, and we’re allowed to mourn.
But thanks to your collective commitment to excellence, your constant creativity, and your compassion for all those you teach, my son and others in his class will not only not fall behind, but will be ready to conquer eighth grade in whatever form it takes. Zach will be prepared for whatever challenges befall him, and given the world climate, I am confident there will be many.
Thank you to all of you for your kindness towards my boy. We truly appreciate you!
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May 2, 2020
Posted in Life's Little Moments, My Take on Autism tagged autism, autism acceptance, autism awareness, Coronavirus at 6:43 am by autismmommytherapist
Week Six of homeschooling complete. We have survived.
The weeks have gone smoothly with my middle schooler. He is so used to doing assignments in Google Classroom that there’s been barely a hitch all these weeks, and his schoolwork has kept him busy on average about four hours a day. This left me ample time to monitor my severely autistic teenager, who has been an absolute champ at rotating through stations in my house where we do work.
By the end of the first week of homeschooling I’d received lesson plans for Justin that went into full force. Doing ABA, speech, OT and PT has been a bit challenging, but has revived skills I used with Justin many years ago. Ironically we’ve gone “Circle of Life” here because sixteen years ago I spent almost a year-and-a-half as his ABA teacher. We lived in Virginia then, which offered me scant hours of speech and OT, and no hours of core autism therapy. I got trained in the practice of ABA and worked with him about six hours a day until we moved to New Jersey and within weeks had more than thirty hours of instruction weekly in our home. No matter how challenging the coming months may be instructing Justin, nothing will ever compare to that period where I daily felt desperate that I wasn’t doing enough or doing it right. Whatever Justin gets out of this, he will be fine.
And I will be fine too.
It is an understatement to say it is not easy to homeschool your own child (homeschooling moms and dads everywhere, I salute you!). The first week I saw posts on Facebook by incredibly strong moms who were brought to their knees by 10:00 on the second day. I taught fourth, fifth and sixth grade for twelve years in DC and Virginia, and I can honestly tell you that teaching thirty students who are not yours is often easier than teaching your own. Add in that some of these parents are still trying to work from home or have to work outside their houses, have multiple kids, not enough computers, have elementary school kids who are more hands-on, or might have children with special needs who need one-on-one instruction (plus the meals!), and posts about “suspending” their kids are completely understandable.
I just want you to know you’ll get through this too.
None of us knows as of this moment how long this will last. One thing I do know however is that you’re going to figure out how to give your children what they need, even if it takes a few weeks in the process. Especially for those of us with severely disabled kids, don’t make yourself crazy trying to get to every assignment. The teachers at your child’s school are trained in what to do with them- most likely you are not. I can guarantee they are not expecting you to deliver services like they do, and they will be happy to see your child is doing something to keep skills in place and stave off regression. Do what you can. They will be okay.
You will too.
Parents, make sure you take breaks too, whether it’s exercising, a stolen show on Netflix, or just some wine you hopefully stocked up on in case the liquor stores close (heaven forbid!). Do your best, but be good to yourselves too. You will figure it out.
Take care of yourselves.
Eat chocolate if you have some.
Just breathe.
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April 13, 2020
Posted in Life's Little Moments, My Take on Autism tagged autism, autism acceptance, autism awareness, Coronavirus, homeschooling at 7:04 am by autismmommytherapist
The familiar notes of the Edmark Reading Program emanate from the computer, as my son lets out his elusive giggle and stares me straight in the eye. He is on this program often so I’m not certain what instigated his mirth, but perhaps it’s because his mom is sitting next to him this time. He continues to laugh as I choose programs for him, hoping to elongate his homeschooling just a bit longer. All too soon the laughing ceases as he gets back to the more serious business of learning, and the moment is gone.
The cool thing is, I am confident there will be more of those moments to come.
Please don’t think this is a rousing endorsement of sheltering in place. I desperately wish my severely autistic seventeen-year-old was in his beloved school. We worked so hard to get him this placement, and I have tried so hard to get him there every single day that was possible. I am so grateful this is not his last year, and feel so badly for those of his classmates who will probably never go back. I know I will be a mess when he graduates, and am grateful I am spared that sadness this year.
Justin has been absolutely amazing these last few weeks. When we first heard about the two week school quarantine, and I began to suspect it would last much longer, I wasn’t sure how this was going to go. In past years Justin would have been throwing his shoes at me every day and clamoring to go to the car. Our existence would have been a nightmare, as no explanation would have sufficed for a kid who could clearly see there was no snow outside, and no earthly reason why his mom couldn’t take him somewhere fun.
Just shy of two years ago Justin began terrible body movements that after nine months and seven different diagnoses was finally termed tic disorder, and I cannot imagine how that terrible almost-year of waiting and worrying would have played out could we not have left the house and met with the doctors. The timing for this, at least chez McCafferty, has been doable.
So far, he seems to have adjusted beautifully. There is a rhythm to our days now, which is important to him. We work together in the morning, he takes a technology break, and then we work together after lunch. It’s been smooth sailing thus far.
But what I didn’t anticipate would be those fleeting yet frequent moments of connection, the gift of eye contact, that elongated hug that is often all too short. One of the things the tic disorder seemed to deprive my boy of was the need for affection, once a staple in his life. I’ve missed that part of him as he was always my cuddly boy, which a lifetime ago had made his diagnosis seem impossible. I’m seeing some of that affectionate nature to return, and it makes these difficult times easier to bear.
It helps to get me through these days of worry and uncertainty, and for me the hardest part, not knowing when they’ll end.
He is a joy, and I love him.
And for now, that will have to be enough.
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